January 2003 Vol. IV Issue iii
Pittsburgh, PA
Hey Everybody,
It's that time of the month again. It's a new year
and I wish you all a great one. I won't bore you all
this month with a long missive largely because I
have been working so hard getting this
upcoming tour together. For those of you on the
west coast we are coming soon!
And for those of you in the Northeast and Florida, we're in the
planning stages please let us know if you have ideas for us.
Anne is in Sweden. I have just gotten back to Pittsburgh after
a very nice vacation. I needed it. Especially with the state
of the world these days I have a feeling it will be the last one for a while. North Korea, Iraq, Palestine, Venezuela, Argentina, Crawford, TX.
Say, you ever been to Crawford? It is a town well, not a town as much as an area - of walled ranches, SUVs and helipads. There are more millionaires per capita then any where this side of Kuwait City. (By-the-way Kuwait is not as much of a country as it is an oil company with a flag which is what Donald W. Cheney would like to turn Iraq into kind of a leveraged regime change.)
The thing is... surrounding these walled mansions in Crawford (quaintly called "ranches") is complete, abject, desperate poverty. When you see the tar paper and corrugated tin shacks out side the castle walls you begin to understand George Bush's vision of America.
Have you ever noticed how our last president, who actually did come from a long line of white trash, is always hanging around in a penthouse in New York City trying to be some sort of aristocrat, while our current president - who was born with a silver foot in his mouth - picks up the Sultan of Saudi Arabia in a pick up truck pretending he's a hick. Bill seems to be a better aristocrat George can't even rise to the level of self respecting red neck. I mean, is any one else worried? Anyway, I told you I wouldn't bore you this month other than to say please keep in touch.
Goble, Oregon
"It's like when you don't like football and it's Super Bowl Sunday" (From "No One I Could Talk About This With." Chandler/Rockstroh)
Ah, the Super-Bowl. What an event ... and what a place to spend it: Goble, Oregon. Yes, Anne and I played a biker bar in rural Oregon on Super Bowl Sunday. Yes, we were the after-game celebration's entertainment. Now, I did not know it was Super Bowl Sunday when I booked the gig. In fact, I did not put two and two together until a couple of days before. But the club did.
I was thinking they thought I was some sort of sports head I pictured myself standing in front of the mic saying. "Ummm... Go local sports team!"
Anne scored points early on by singing Hank Williams songs on the commercial breaks. Those of you who know me well know that I actually follow the New Orleans Saints - but let me assure you, that is not at all like following football. They're kind of like a Sunday-afternoon bowling club with shoulder pads. Truth is, I really know little about it - and certainly did not feel qualified to entertain at a Super Bowl bar-b-cue and potluck. I knew this would be a lesson in culture.
As it turns out, the backwoods of Oregon are not at all like the backwoods of Alabama. Oregon is filled with down-and-out eccentric intellectual dropouts, living in fire-heated cabins, largely off the grid - many still trying to find the marbles they lost in Haight Ashbury. Others may very well be in the witness-protection program. As it turns out, we were exactly what they wanted after the game. Honestly. It really was a lesson in culture - and perhaps a sign that George Bush himself should take note of.... Even rural die-hard sports fanatics are antiwar.
I have read that more people on the planet watch the Super-Bowl than any other event in the world watched by billions. It is the largest collective global experience we have. Of course, I don't know why I believe such reports. If they estimated TV ratings the same way that they calculate the number of protesters at an antiwar rally the headline for the Super Bowl would read: "Hundreds watch football game."
AP (San Diego, CA)
"While boasting noble goals of family togetherness, the event turned violent, forcing police to move in with thousands of arrests. Combatants, clad in black with face paint and garish costumes, chanted, "Go Raiders!" and carried signs that read, "Kill them all!" as they knocked over innocent bystanders at a beer kiosk. The police refused to comment on the incident, but calm was restored by the end of the game."
...Again, this is the largest collective global experience we have. Can you imagine what people in impoverished countries think when they see this stuff? I mean, it is clear we know they are watching - why else would we fly the B-2 bombers overhead at halftime? Then there are the fans. Whose idea was it to portray your average Oakland Raiders fan to the rest of the world as a typical American? Have you seen these guys - carrying battle axes, realistic papier-mache skulls
protruding from their chests, looking in general like the cast of Braveheart? Yes world, you are looking at: "We the people."
Then there is the game itself, which seems to remarkably resemble our foreign policy. Picture Dan Rather and Geraldo Rivera in orange blazers "The Oilers are deep in their own territory and the Raiders are on the attack. We are all wondering if the Oilers have some secret weapon hidden in their otherwise shabby defense." Cut to the commercial... There is Ozzy Osbourne teaming up with Donny and Marie Osmond to sell Pepsi products...(This really happened! and in case you're finding that too surreal, Florence Henderson makes a cameo appearance in bed with Ozzy makes me want a Pepsi.) Then back to the game: "The Raiders are in a huddle... Let's get to Connie Chung on the sidelines" "Oh, look, there is Colin Powell leading the Raiders cheerleading squad." Hut One Hut Two... "George Bush has the ball - trying to make an end run around the inspectors - but it looks like his UN front line is beginning to crumble. He may have to unilateral it... but he is taken down at the Kuwaiti Border. It's fourth down and Bagdad to go. It looks like George is gonna have to throw 'em the bomb." I love the Super Bowl.
In other news... Anne and I are having a tremendous tour! Thank you to the great West Coast! We played the Western Workers Labor Heritage Festival and several "sell-out" house concerts, Henfling's in Santa Cruz, shows with old friends Dan Bern, Joe Jencks, and Rebel Voices,
and the demonstrations in San Francisco. Marching in the streets with the Seattle and San Francisco Labor Choruses - near a quarter-million people on the streets - Wow! Our favorite signs: "How did our oil get under their sand?" "Penis Enlargement $10,000 on the Net War on
Iraq $180 billion - You do the math," and - my favorite - "What Would Jesus Bomb?"
Finally, it was my best birthday ever! First, we played a sold-out house concert, I found out that a new off-shoot from Prime CD, called Fifty/Fifty has agreed to release a retrospective of my first fifteen years of doing this craziness. It will be selections from eight CDs, ten tapes, three books, and two music videos, to be called If I Had Any Hits, These Would Be the Greatest. Then I found out that the film I have been working on (and off) for five years with my friend Wendy Corn, called Praise HA! will debut at a film festival in Orlando in May. And then (also on my birthday) I found out that - (fasten your seat belts here) Anne and I will be playing this year at the Kerrville Folk Festival... Those of you playing along at home know what a turn of events that announcement is! On Fajita Thursday we will be sharing Threadgill Sundown Concert with our companeras the
Road Dog Divas (which features Darlene, Myshkin, and Laura Freeman!) Life is good.
We fly into Pittsburgh on the 11th of February and drive to Illinois the next day. And then we go to New England.
We will miss you all at Folk Alliance this year in Nashville. I've been to every Folk Alliance Conference since 1995, where Stark Raving Chandler joined a swarm of itinerant musicians housed in Anne Feeney's Presidential Suite in a Portland luxury hotel. I will never forget it - KBOO broadcasting live from the suite - Darryl Cherney schlepping in a gaggle of EarthFirst! rugrats to bob for apples in the suite's Jacuzzi. What a sight! Y'all have fun without us.
We still need help for Florida in March, especially up near Jacksonville. See below for the dates we have and what we are looking for - please oh please. We would like to keep coming to
Florida - if you can help, please drop me a line.
Touring with Anne as a nonsmoker has turned out to be a joy. Anne - can I please have my head back? It's OK if it's wet - just spit it out.
We are most excited to be collecting live recordings from this tour to put out a live album sometime soon. If any of you tapers out there have any recordings of Anne and me live, is there any way we could get a copy? We are encouraging y'all to record any shows you see on
the calendar.
March 2003
Disclaimer: OK due to circumstances (mostly) beyond my control some of you may have an advertisement above this line.
I have no idea what that advertisement will be. I do not believe I support this product and if I did I have now stopped. But then again, I don't even know if all y'all get the same one so it
makes it hard to say which product it is that I do not support. Also, it remains to be seen whether the above product supports us (several of us have our doubts) anyway... here it is...
T h e M o n t h l y M u s e a n d W h i r l e d R e t o r t
volume 3 issue 6
Lowell, MA
03-03-03
Happy Lundi Gras everybody, it's that time of the month again.
This month's rambling is brought to you by the number three (3).
That's right, today's date is three three three. It might just be the only one we'll ever have but then again with all the biblical references surrounding this war ya just never know we could get another. After all, in one lifetime we had three three three BC and three three three AD but in those days they didn't say BC unless you were Nostradamus but he wasn't born yet.
Anyway, the number three she has been very good to us. The hat trick. The field goal. The beginning, middle and end. The Father, Son and Holy Ghost. The three wise men. The three primary colors. Three blind mice. The Three Musketeers. Three Mile Island. Three guys walk into a bar, My three sons. Three's Company. Moe, Larry and Curley. Earth Wind and Fire. Crosby Stills and Nash. Peter, Paul and Mary. Dewey, Cheatham and Howe. Germany, Italy and Japan. Russia, China, and Cuba. Iran, Iraq, and North Korea. The United States, United Kingdom and, ummmm The United Arab Emirates.
No, wait, that's not a country it's a gas station that has a seat in the UN. Kinda like the Republic of Halliburton. (which also has a seat in the UN.)
Now, I know some of you would say that I am not being fair here. There are many countries around the world whose support was sold to us voluntarily of their own free [sic] will. How can we be blamed if France, Russia, Germany, China and the city of San Francisco do not support this war? They were outbid by Pakistan and
the United Arab Emirates. We can't pay EVERYBODY to support this war there is a budget crisis after all how else could we afford these tax cuts for the rich if we are running around paying every rogue nation to support this war. The others are just sore losers. They had their opportunity to sell us their support but no, our money wasn't good enough for them. You are either with us or against us.
I picture George Bush searching E Bay looking for countries willing to sell their support for the war. OK the bidding starts at 6 billion OK I have 6 billionwho will give me... ... sold to the country with the Colgate-Palmolive logo on their flag.
Then Turkey goes and bails on their bid. You should see the feedback we'll be leaving for them! They should be banned from future E Bay transactions, or at least get a frowny face beside their listings. I think under the international laws of E Bay that we are allowed to launch our attack from their soil.
A while back the White House indicated it would be OK to assassinate Saddam. Hmmmm Remember back after Oil War One® when Saddam's plot to assassinate George the First was revealed and our response as to lob Tomahawk Missiles into Iraqi intelligence posts?
Can you imagine what would happen if the Iraqis lobbed Tomahawk missiles into Langley VA for the same crime? (not that they have any ... or did we sell them some in the 80s? I forget.)
Now, I am not saying anybody should ever lob anything at anybody other than say a bridal bouquets, badminton birdies, or perhaps a witty comeback. I am just saying we like to think of ourselves as a fair people isn't it time we started acting like one? I mean by our own rules shouldn't they now be entitled to level Langley?
Isn't that what we told the UN back in `92?
Is that the reason for elevating us to Code Orange?
Frankly we are all finding this color code thing confusing and God forbid you happen to be color blind how would you know whether to duct tape yourself into a closet or just put a plastic bag on your head? Someone pointed out that all that plastic would cut off the air flow they don't put those warnings on plastic bags for nothin' I liked the recommendation that you solve this problem by instead of using a large plastic drop-cloth you should use bubble wrap. This way you could pop the bubbles as necessary. I remember as a kid fighting with my brother over who gets to pop the bubble wrap and frankly I don't want to reopen those old arguments.
We all find this color code stuff confusing especially George himself - for a while there was a plan to make it easier for George to remember them it was proposed to bring back the old kool-aide colors like Jolly Olli Orange ®, and Freckle-Face Strawberry ® and of course Choo Choo Cherry ®.
Oh-my-gawd, the world's gone Goofy Grape ®!
But this idea confused the Secret Service because they kept putting plastic bags on their head every time George got thirsty. The plan was scrapped in favor of using the colors from an LL Bean catalogue
"Ladies and Gentlemen -- Today's Homeland Security Code has been raised from Oatmeal Khaki to Pinot Noir."
Anne and I have been up in British Columbia, Washington State, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Washington DC, and now New England since last we spoke. Now we are "On The Road." in Lowell, Mass home of Jack Kerouac
"I seen Jack Kerouac in the back parking lot of a Stop & GoHe was pouring Wild Turkey in a Slurpie sittin' on the hood of a Yugo"(from The United States of Generica, Chandler/Rockstroh)
I am happy to report that the response for our show has been across-the-board enthusiastic.
Didjaever think we might be the first peace movement that actually stops a war before it begins? did you notice that since millions across the globe took to the streets (half a million in New York herself) that nothing has gone right for George Bush? My favorite irony of late is that Tony Blair's support has dropped so dramatically, George may have to sign the Kyoto Treaty just to keep Great Britain on board. (really.)
Let me give you another example a little closer to home (well, a little closer to the road which is home which is.... well you get the point.)
Since last we spoke Anne and I drove out to northwest Illinois to perform for the Laborers' International Union
...Now, for those of you who think that the labor movement is a bunch of progressives I ask you to re-think that. These are construction workers from Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Nebraska and South Dakota. On their agenda for this gathering was increasing their market share and improving sportsmen's gun rights.
Anyway, Anne had received an email the week before reminding her "this is a union event... not an anti war rally." Well, needless-to-say, we were nervous. Anne got up in this (what looked to be more of a hunting lodge) and established our credentials with tales from the front line of the labor movement and labor classics... "Which
Side Are You On?" "Union Maid," etc... They were well received. She then went out on the limb a little bit and they stayed with her. Then she went out a little further and brought me up. Together, we went out on the limb a little further and they came with us. Finally we crawled out to end of the limb did our "Carnivals" piece,
expecting to crash to the ground at any second.
It was like a scene in a Warner Brothers cartoon... Anne and I on the end of a limb with the Laborers' Union but the tree falls leaving us up in the air standing triumphantly on the limb looking down at the felled assumption that there is ANY support for this war.
I mean, if Bush can't get the Laborers in South Dakota to support this war just who is it that is supporting it?
The only complaint the Laborers had in the show was not that we had mocked George Bush and his personal crusade against Saddam Hussein but that at one point in the set we had ridiculed Lee Greenwood. Now
them's fightin words.
****
In Mechanicsburg, PA we saw a pink (yes pink) fire truck being towed past a cinderblock building advertising "Magda's Mature Fantasies" next to a tavern advertising "old Beer To Go." That reminds me my former music partner Magda Hiller is expecting any day now! In fact this child may very well be brought into the world on 3-3-3! Congratulations Magda and Chip! (and Nellie, Beaner, Elvis and Priscilla I forget the names of the gold fish)
****
We haven't figured out where we're going to be for Labor Day yet ...
****
We are looking for DC area dates for the last weekend in March.
*****
Anne has gone to a level three nicotine patch and the home lung security color has been reduced from brown to grayish pink.
*****
I am still working on the 15 year greatest Hits CD. I would love to have suggestions for what to go on it as well as for titles for the CD. leading candidates: "If I had any hits these would be the greatest," "15 years on the road and I'm gonna make it home tonight," or Jim Infantino's suggestion: "15 years on the road and all I got was this crummy CD." (thanks, pal...)
*****
Anne and I are still collecting recordings for a live CD. If any of you have some please- oh-please let us know especially of large rallies and festivals such as the G8 or the Oregon Country Fair! Also we are looking for photographs of us playing live!
Oh, and we would love suggestions as to what to call this thing too: "Somewhere in North America" "Live and Impersonal" "Evil Backwards." I dunno as you can tell we are struggling here.
April 2003
This Muse and Whirled Retort is brought to you (unwillingly from both sides of the equation, I am sure) by whatever ad most of you see above. I have no idea what it is.
This is a special wartime edition of
T h e M u s e a n d W h i r l e d R e t o r t
Volume 4 issue 7
Meeeep maneeep neep neep...insert graphic graphics of an American soldier running slow motion through the desert to rescue a crying baby.
Chiron overlay: "Americans wipe out Iraqi propaganda machine."
The Iraqi Horror Picture Show!
3-31-03
Washington, D.C.
Hey everybody, it's that time of the month again...
It's crazy out there, folks. (As if you needed to be told that.) This time last month Anne and I were hopeful that this might just be the first peace movement to actually stop a war. Ha! Reality makes it extremely hard to try to be funny.
Believe me, I would much rather be writing about the first day of Baseball and the fact that the Oriels played their opener in the snow.
Here in the nation's capitol the snow is falling and the cherry blossoms are in bloom. Perhaps Mother Nature herself is responding with her own set of ironies. Happy spring. Perhaps this is Mom's own April Fool's joke. We could all use a good laugh about now.
I stand in Lafayette Park, in front of the White House, just as I did 12 years ago. I was 26 and had been living out of a car for four years, playing guitar on the streets and in subway stations, in
picket lines and at political rallies. Oil War I® started on my birthday. Phil Rockstroh and I had camped out in the park for the weeks leading up to the war, singing "Bush Lite," "Talkin' Lafayette Blues," "Leave Iraq and Roll," and "Emotional Dyslexia."
At any given time, there were around 100 people staying 24/7. Our job was to entertain the "permanent" residents of the park. We thought of ourselves as George's nearest neighbors - thought he might drop by sometime for a cup of foreign policy.
As with this war, there were "events" when our numbers would grow. But always the drums rang out. George the First told a reporter that our drums were keeping him up at night. We all thought that was nothing compared with the sound of Patriot missiles falling on Baghdad. (George the 2nd was at a Texas Ranger's Baseball game at the time.)
When Oil War I® started, thousands of people came out to the park in defiance. A spontaneous "snake march" erupted. We circled throughout the city, calling out for others to join us. And they did! Boy did they! We grew from a thousand to ten thousand in a couple of hours as we marched through the streets.
The thing about marching through the streets, though, is that we abandoned Lafayette Park and it filled with about a hundred counter-demonstrators. As we rounded the corner returning back onto Pennsylvania Avenue, we were met by mounted police, who began to spin their horses in a 360, pushing us back into the park among the pro-war folks and their shouts of "USA! USA! USA!"
Rocks and bottles began to fly. Fights erupted everywhere. It was mayhem. I was on the front line where, we were all linked arms. When the police swung their horses around, our lines broke. I was linked with an 18-year-old kid. He fell on top of me as a horse ran us over. He accidentally became my shield - he got beaten with a billy club. I never did get his name. A friend, Barry the Balladeer, saw us lying in the street, and he pulled us to safety.
The fights between the protestors, counter-protestors, and police lasted for hours. It was clear that the police had caused the disruption by forcing our ranks right into the middle of a hundred
counter-demonstrators. The next day when I read the paper, the banner headline read, "It's War," of course. However, under the fold was a minor article that read, "A couple of dozen protestors hobbled down the street pelting police with rocks and bottles." It taught me
a valuable lesson: I knew then the support for that war was not near what the paper claimed. This is doubly true for George the Second's Oil War II. I think about this these days as I stand out in Lafayette Park.
Today the snow has dampened the number of folks, but there has been a 24-hour vigil in front of the White House since the war started. A couple of days ago, there were 65 arrests, including three Nobel laureates. The next day, 25 people linked themselves together with PVC pipe and blocked traffic on Pennsylvania Avenue. People handed leaflets to commuters apologizing for the "inconvenience," but compared with the inconvenience of bombs falling in public markets,
it seems pretty small. There were more than 200 arrests in New York City a couple of days ago. In all, there have been far more arrests of people protesting this slaughter than coalition casualties.
(OK, it's time to cut the "coalition" crap. No one else is on our side it is the Anglo/American forces. Let's be honest here.)
Still, folks, I feel safer (yes, safer) because of the protests. At least on some level, we are telling the world which is so justifiably outraged at American arrogance that we Americans are not all
warmongering, shortsighted global capitalists. Thank God there is worldwide condemnation. And those of you out on the streets around the world, I hope you hear us in the Streets of Washington DC, New York City, San Francisco, Pittsburgh, Boise, and Peoria, Illinois louder than you hear the Tomahawk® missiles.
Hundreds of thousands of people take to the streets across this great country telling the world: We did not elect him and we are sorry for what that mean-spirited child of privilege is doing. We support our troops by trying to get them home.
You might be interested to know that while we "ANTI-AMERICAN RABBLE" were out in the streets not supporting the troops by demanding their immediate safe return, the patriots in Congress were busy actually CUTTING veterans' benefits.... REALLY.
Though I did hear one congressman (I will let you guess which one) say at a gathering I attended, "If you want to support our troops, pay taxes on your dividends."
The awesome shock of the American military will take down a tiny, impoverished country. Yet we have the audacity to say we will rebuild that country with the profits from ITS oil! No, really: We say this and no one bats an eye. Though it does make me realize that this is not JUST about oil - it is about global capitalism. Those are not refugees fleeing across the border - those are customers. Iraq has 24 million potential customers in it.
From that perspective, wouldn't we be making better customers if, instead of spending $200 billion to destroy a county of 24 million, we just bought it? The way we did Kuwait® and the United Arab Emirates®? Or even better, we just gave the Iraqis $8,300 apiece? That is what it works out to. Maybe we could open up a McDonald's in Umm Qasr, the way we did in Kuwait City®. There, they just introduced the McArabia Burger®. Really! Hell, with the exchange
rate that would be 20,000 McArabia burgers for each Iraqi. That is 4.8 TRILLION McArabia burgers. How did that Biff Rose ditty go?
"Goin to McDonalds, Gonna stand in line. Order a billion burgers and watch them change the sign."
Want an Apple Pie or Freedom fries® with that? (BTW, French's mustard has released a new slogan: "The only thing French in French's is the name.")
As we drive through our fast-food fairyland, we have Basra -a city the size of this one - fully under siege, and a humanitarian crisis of biblical proportions rages just outside of Babylon. We seem to be having trouble getting humanitarian aid in yet our "smart bombs" have no trouble whatsoever. Hmmm. at $40 million apiece, doesn't it seem as if our money would have been better spent with precision-guided food bombs?
Now, why is it they hate us?
We complain that Iraqis in civilian clothes attack us. Yet look to our own history: What were the battles of Lexington and Concord? If it were not for civilians taking it upon themselves to attack an "occupying" army the shot heard round the world would have been the shot heard round the mulberry bush.
We complain about Iraqis flying a white flag and then attacking us. Yet look to our own history: Crazy Horse was lured out of the Canadian wilderness by the United States Army under a flag of
truce...and then murdered.
How can we claim that Iraq is violating the Geneva Convention in a war that itself is a violation of the Geneva Convention?
We scratch our heads, befuddled, when the Iraqi people do not rise up and join the invading army to rid themselves of Saddam's tyranny. Yet look to our own history: Southern slaves and free blacks actually joined the Confederacy en masse (larger numbers than joined the North though it is not PC to say as much, nor does it make good Hollywood movies) to stem the tide of an invading army even though it meant the perpetuation of their own slavery.
Isn't the lesson obvious? Invasion trumps tyranny. You cannot liberate a country that does not want to be liberated.
It is as if in 1959 Red China invaded Alabama to liberate African-Americans from Jim Crow. Would you really expect American blacks running through the streets of Birmingham waving Chinese flags and shouting, "Long Live Chairman Mao?" Get real, folks.
An Iraqi taxi driver attacked American supply lines with a suicide bomb and the U.S. media called it a terrorist attack. What I want to know is, When do they get to be defenders and not terrorists?
Yes, I do have sympathy with the young men who lost their lives, and their families. But they were soldiers in the line of duty who were killed by the Iraqi militia not terrorists. And while we are on the subject: As I sit here in Washington, D.C., under Homeland Security Code Jolly Olly Orange® - my duct tape and plastic sheeting always close at hand I wonder if, when an Iraqi national drives a gasoline truck or chemical truck or worse into a military base (or, for that matter, any target as loosely defined as we have defined "military" targets in Baghdad) right here in Washington, D.C., it will be called a terrorist attack?
I will not feel safer with Saddam Hussein "out of the way." I will feel safer with George Bush® out of the way. My god, how can one lose a popularity contest with Saddam Hussein? We will not have any better luck carving up Iraq than Winston Churchill did at the end of the First World War.
The only thing that makes me feel safer is the hundreds of thousands, yes, millions of voices out there on American streets telling the world loudly that WE DO NOT SUPPORT THIS WAR!
Yours,
Chris Chandler
May 2003
Milwaukee, WI
April 30, 2003
Hey Everybody,
It's that time of the month again! Happy Earth Day and Happy Mayday! Anne and I have been up here in the cheesehead state for an Earth Day to May Day festival doing things like performing for the striking Tyson workers in Jefferson. But I gotta make this brief because we gots to start counting mile markers, cows, and Tyson Chicken trucks lying like roadkill in truck-stop holding lots as we head to the Big Apple for May Day.
I know, I know many of you look to this newsletter for some sort of counterpoint to the endless inundation from Fox news - but not this month. I am sorry.
I know, I know there is a whole planet spinning out of round on its axis of evil.
SARS has not yet collateralled as many innocent civilians as the American Armed Forces.
The US Marines (with a little help from Iraqi children who happened to have mouths full of Skittles® at the time) pulled down a statue of Saddam Hussein and then erected in its place a statue of Bob's Big Boy.
Dick Cheney now has a stone tablet copy of The Babylonian Beacon-Journal (first edition printed in cuneiform) sitting on his coffee table beneath the latest issues of Guns and Ammo, Men's Health, and the swimsuit edition of National Geographic.
BTW: I picture Dick Cheney digging so far into his secret bunker that he actually goes all the way through the earth and runs into Osama Bin Laden (remember him?) digging from the other end.
But before I get to the point of this month's missive I have to say: it makes me snicker when after Anne and I finish a set -- someone comes up and says, "Don't you think you should give some equal time in your set?"
Equal time? There is not enough time in the evening for us to do a set long enough to approach equal time. We could do the whole festival, the whole week - we could play the rest of the year non-stop hell we could play longer than an episode of Entertainment Tonight and time would not be equal.
If you want "equal time" flip on the TV. Turn on AM radio. Turn on FM Radio! Turn on Cable Radio! Read the "liberal press." Walk into a bar. Open a window. Read a bumper sticker, a T-Shirt, a ball cap, a dixie cup. Eavesdrop on a conversation at the Starvin' Marvin. There is your equal time yea that's it - equal time. As equal as the median income of those getting a tax break and those who are not. As equal as the Yankees and the Expos as equal as the
Conquistadores and the Incas, Lee and Grant after the fall of Richmond, the Iraqi Army and the US Marines... as balanced as the budget... (I do want to interject here that the technological
difference between the Iraqi army and the US was greater than that between the Spanish and the Incas.)
Equal Time.
So, with that in mind - this month I only want to tell you about this brand new CD. I know I know, I mentioned we were going to do it but we did. It is at the manufacturer right now!
So, Chandler, what's it called? Oh, I thought you would never ask:
"Live from the Wholly Stolen Empire."
It was recorded at a number of choice shows this year including Henfling's in Santa Cruz, The Cherry Tree in Philadelphia, The Norway House in Victoria and Reed College in Portland, OR.
Please understand I am only telling you about this because so many of you have been asking, "How do I get a copy of that one with the bit about the corporations that used to operate Ronald Reagan like a marionette now having their hand stuck so far up the tight rectal sphincter of George W Bush that the are now able to operate this guy like a hand puppet
"or the bit about how, from the space shuttle, Florida looks like a giant limp tallywhacker hanging flaccid from the beast now known as the United States yet, from that drooping Johnson mankind ejaculates into the cosmos shooting the seeds of the fountain of youth to swim the heavens in search of eternal creation...
"Or the one about how nothing makes me anymore fulfilled than I was when I received that brightly colored package with the picture of the Sea Monkeys waving to me as they swam by and I ripped open that package and emptied its contents into a large gold-fish bowl and watched breathlessly as as two pathetic brine-shrimp larvae floated in a most un-seamonkey-like descent to the bottom of that bowl!?"
Yes, folks it is all here. In one shrink-wrapped package.
BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE! If you order now-now-now (add echo) you will get a (slightly used) set of Ginsu Knives and an "Inside the Egg" Egg Scrambler®. (also slightly used. hey I fell for it once and ya gotta get rid of that stuff somehow.)
OK, not really. But there really is more MUCH MORE.
Anne has finally put together a CD of all of her Union Classics such as: Union Maid, and Solidarity Forever as well as some of her own inspired compositions -- War on the Workers, What Ever Happened to the Eight Hour Day? & 19 (yes, 19!) others...
So you ask How can I get a copy? And as you ask for a brief moment -- I would think, "What kind of swoosh-sticka® wearing capitalist do you take me for?"
Then I would take a big sip of my Latte Grande®, I crease the brim of my New Orleans Saints® ball cap (made in Macao but bought in a thrift store owned by GAP® but that is a different story) I take a drag off my Marlboro Medium® I realize THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS EQUAL TIME and then I tell you:
go to: http://www.cdstreet.com/cgi-bin/artisthome_db.cgi?1238384
and use a creditcard.
or (if you're like me) and do not have a credit card you can send $15 (+ $1 S&H) to Anne Feeney (she is the one responsible enough to have a checking account) 7206 Michigan Ave Pittsburgh, PA 15218 (Pennsylvania Residents add another $1.05 for sales tax)
There you have it. Till the long haul ends you will find Anne and me out on the road here's hoping we talk in person.
Everything,
chris chandler
June 2003
JUNE, 2003 Vol 4 issue 9
Kerrville, TX
Hey everybody,
It's that time of the month again! Only this month I really am going to be brief Anne and I are at the Kerrville Folk Festival with limited computer access. And even if that were not true the last
thing I would want to be doing is sitting in front of a computer at the Quiet Valley Ranch do this is a brief one
Yes, the rumors are true we did play on the treadgill stage last Thursday WOW! 5 standing ovations (but who is counting)
We are looking forward to a busy June and July.
Right now my life is in boxes in a tent just over there at camp CALM 15 years of living on the road stacked in boxes of suitcases and glove compartments on an endless thrift store pub crawl in pursuit of more boxes and things to put in them.
And even though my life is in a box that is not to say my thinking is in the box there are those that would say MY thinking is Way outside the box but they would be wrong because if you think
there is a box then that is the very reason you are in a box and you will be until you realize there is no box.
There is no cutting edge
there are no lines to color inside of outside of only the thin yellow lines that dot the highways of fat America which carry us and all of our boxes forever towards that inevitable pine box
realizing all the while that if the world we see in your rear view window is not better that the one you see in our front windshield then we are not doing our job.
JULY 2003
T h e M u s e a n d W h i r l e d R e t o r t
July 2003
Volume 4 issue 10
Hey everybody,
OK it's not quite that time of the month yet… but I wanted to get the newsletter out a little early this time… sorry – once again I gotta be brief…
Those of you sitting at home and waiting by the computer at the first of the month may have your schedules interrupted – but frankly – you *should* be interrupted if that applies to you. The only reason we make schedules in the first place is to break them. I mean, wasn't it Mickey Newbury who said that time was created so that everything wouldn't happen all at once?
If everything did happen at once it would be chaos all the time – and any order would interrupt the inflexible disorder of the universe. Apollo -- riding shotgun -- on the road with Jack Kerouac trying to subvert the authoritarian coyote trickster.
Hmmmm…. Sorta sounds like our foreign policy – now that I think about
it…
How does the T shirt read?
War is peace
Slavery is freedom
Bush is President
Now, let's see... where did those weapons of mass destruction that we heard so much about end up?
Maybe Saddam zapped them with his super secret invisible ray gun and magically teleported them to the parking lot of some mom & pop hardware store in SE Nebraska where they will never be found, thanks to the brand new Walmart that opened up next door. Nah, people would never believe that... but then ... what the hell – they are buying everything else.
------
Coupla quick snap shots – central, PA
A caravan of Boy Scout vehicles – sporting the slogan "let's Roll"
Good thing they do not allow homosexuals in the scouts – it might say – "let's decorate"
and for all you Georgians out there... how about Herman Talmadge and Maynard Jackson dying with in 24 hours of each other? … I somehow picture Herman clinging on to that ax handle tighter than he was clinging on to life waiting for Maynard to get the hell out of here.
A billboard in Arkansas… Large picture of Christ in black and white –
hanging from the cross – only the blood is in bright red. A caption reads: "This Blood's for you."
A black Billboard with white type in Oklahoma reads: "Stop using my name in vain – God" (really)
-----
Anyhow
I really gotta run…
I wanted to get this out early because I arrived here in Pittsburgh late last night and Anne and I are about to get on a plane to Seattle – where we are playing tommorow night – followed by 30 some
odd dates on the west coast…
Then --- TIME OFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*****
Peter Paul and Mary are recording Anne's song "Have you been to Jail for Justice!!!! And we'll be in the audience when PP&M play Pittsburgh on July 31 (see www.peterpaulandmary.com for details)
*****
We are looking for dates in Wisconsin Minnesota Chicago Illinois and Indiana in late October
*****
We are planning a 10 day trip to Texas in November (by Texas We mean that triangle of land from Dallas/Ft Worth to Houston to Austin) can you help us? then on to SOA & the FTAA rally/riots in Florida
*****
I am sure there are other announcements but I feel so overwhelmed by the notion of getting to the airport on time that I just can't think – please feel free to zap me back if ya got any questions or anything
else.
*****
Anne and I are still looking for the right fit on labor day – got any ideas?
******
****
It has often been said that we are an act to be witnessed live so finally! The new Live CD is here!
August 2003
OK OK enough already – here we go.
Hey everybody, it's that time of the month again!
So, I was thinking… since the Count on Sesame Street only has 4 fingers - shouldn't he be counting in base eight?
Computers do all their counting in base 2 - they count: Zero, One, One-Zero, One One, One-Zero-Zero, and so on - but we count in base ten...(although I count in base 11 when I have my hands in my pockets – but that's a different story).
The Mayans - they counted in base 20 - they wore no shoes. (Really.)
Oh, the things you think about while riding down the highway counting mile markers and exit signs...ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine...
...tenity, tenity-one, tenity-two...
wait that's not right.
But then, I saw a sign at a church that read "count your blessings" well, naturally I did as I was told - it was a church after all.
I think I had gotten to about twelveity-four or five when I realized that - Hey, "my blessings are infinite." Then, I thought, "this could take a while."
Now I know that this sounds like a platitude - but it is true: "The kingdom of heaven is spread out before us - but we refuse to see it."
That means... THIS is heaven! And heaven, as we all know, is infinite – but what the hell IS infinity anyway? If we could better understand the concept – perhaps we could better understand heaven.
I mean, the way I see it – The universe is round and infinity is just one digit shy of nothing.
The bible had a little run in with infinity that seems to confirm this notion.
Wasn't the goal of the architects working on the tower of Babel to reach the infinite? Shouldn't the subcontractors have realized the problem with this project? Or perhaps the Babylonians actually
reached their goal - and that is precisely why it fell.
Ya get too close to infinity and poof – your back to zero.
Ya get too close to heaven - and ¡poof! you find yourself speaking Spanish in a Chi Chi's in Dubuque, Iowa - trying to order "Pollo Guadalajara" and having a teenager in a polyester uniform asking - "¿ya want that with beef or chicken?"
As for me -- I went for years thinking Taco Bell was the Mexican phone company.
I know, I am digressing - but, ya, gotta bear with me now.
Magellan proved Copernicus right by circumnavigating the globe.
Who will prove Einstein right? Einstein maintained that the universe, too, is round. He saidevery straight line in the universe eventually intersects itself – Einstein also said that Pat Robertson
and Jerry Falwell will eventually admit that they have always been secretly attracted to each other. They will move to Vermont, volunteer for the Howard Dean campaign, and have a big Greek wedding solemnized by the Bishop formerly known as Snoop Doggy Dogg.
What would Scooby Doo?
Today, there are computers that do nothing all day but try to count to infinity. I read about it in the paper. Every couple of years one comes up with another prime number. The latest prime number's exponent was over 600 pages long. If you were to print this number out in 10 point font it would stretch around the world.
Infinity would be the number that stretches around the universe - hey, it's only a matter of time.
Doesn't it then likely follow that one day a computer counting to infinity will suddenly spit out that the next number in succession is zero?
Doesn't this prove that infinity is just one digit less than zero?
Hey, maybe I could convince the bank - I am not four-hundred-seventy-eight dollars and thirty seven cents overdrawn - I have nearly 500 bucks more than infinity- it's like the more debt I acquire the closer I am to winning the lottery! Says a lot about our economy.
Armed with a credit rating like that - the bank will surely approve my loan for a new Cadillac and I can simply back my way into the two car garage of heaven...
Only I find that Satan has his SUV parked on the other side. It's a Ford Explorer with Firestone tires and a bumper sticker that reads - "This Machine Kills Fascists."
Anyway - the point I am trying to make here is that if I sit around and count my blessings - and my blessings are infinite - will I one day discover that I have none?
For most Americans, isn't the idea of a 2 car garage boasting a Cadillac and an SUV our idea of heaven's infinite perfection?
Seems we are always trying to reach perfection - like infinity. Throughout human history – some new invention comes along that changes us for ever - the wheel, the printing press, the internal
combustion engine, the Lay-Z Boy.
Civilization is changed and a generation passes and lives in this "new normal," with only vague stories of the past that grandpa tells on late nights during power outages.
We strive for perfection - weeding out the impractical and implausible through exploration and then, inevitably, expansion. Manifest Destiny. Infinity.
And civilizations do expand - until they bump into others - also striving for their own sense of perfection. Eventually - for better or worse - the two merge, often through bloodshed and conquest -but eventually one civilization's accomplishments complement and combine with another's and there is yet another "new normal."
Grandpa - tell me what it was like before Iraq became the 53rd state?
Yet - somehow - we perceive ourselves as forever striving to eradicate our flaws (and perhaps we are) - perhaps one day perfection will be reached - but perhaps perfection itself will be the end of
civilization. Like the Babylonians.
Infinity. Just one less than zero.
Perhaps it is our flaws that keep us in balance. Life after all, feeds off death.
I have heard heaven described as a place where we will all live forever. If there was a place where there was no death - would life itself starve?
"I'll have the deforestation burger."
"You want flies with that?"
Maybe different civilizations could quit trying to force their own religion, economy, culture, regime and favorite NASCAR driver onto others.
Maybe we could perceive each others' "flaws" as assets.
Maybe we would see the kingdom of heaven that is indeed spread out before us.
And, if we don't see it - there will be no heaven - for there will be no here.
For eternity.
Everything,
Chris Chandler
September 2003
Well folks – it's that time of the month again.
I'm in a Sheraton hotel (really). That is because I was flying from our nation's capitol to Montreal for a well deserved vacation. But due to the power outage in the Northeast – from Cleveland to Ottawa to Augusta to New York City – my connecting flight didn't meet and I wound up here – in a luxury hotel on Delta's tab.
The hotel is packed – all sorts of international travelers, most notably a 747 full of folks coming in from Istanbul.
For nearly 24 hours, New Yorkers have been without power. I was thinking: Well, maybe now if their water was cut – and then you interrupted the food supply – and you added foreign, non-English-speaking troops walking up and down every block – perhaps from a completely different culture – maybe wearing a fez, wooden shoes and Liederhosen (an image as foreign to us as that get-up George W was wearing on the deck of that aircraft carrier)… maybe then New Yorkers would start to get a glimpse of what life is like in Baghdad.
It is hard for us to imagine.
USA Today posted a photo of pedestrian commuters crossing the Brooklyn Bridge – and comparing it to 9-11. Everything gets compared to 9-11. Isn't that why we checked into Motel Iraq? 9-11? Even though it is widely accepted that there is no connection, because Osama knew
better than George's son that Saddam's secular tendencies did not resonate with his people. The Iraqi population is less likely to embrace the American concept of free-market capitalism than Saddam himself. Saddam always kinda liked the idea – if he could just gas his people into
accepting the notion of drive-through windows.
So when Iraqis see how quickly we can get the lights back on in New York City, does it not follow that they should wonder if we are not dragging our feet intentionally in Baghdad? Or did they give
Enron a deregulated deal on Baghdad Power and Light? Does anyone remember the rolling blackouts in California?
The Northeast was just slower at accepting deregulation than California. But still… it makes me wonder…
"Give em a few more weeks – then we'll turn the lights on and they'll think we are heroes."
One seems to forget that the lights and water worked just fine before we started bombing.
Is our occupation all part of a coercion tactic to force Iraqis to trade in their turbans for
Washington Redskins caps?
Bush guaranteed us that the U.S. – oops, I mean coalition forces – would check out of Motel Iraq when the Iraqis were able to elect a new government. But as it turns out, you can check out any
time you like – but you can never leave.
Perhaps, instead of Operation Show Off Our Hi-Tech Weaponry, they should have sent Arnold Schwartzenegger in to "Total Recall" Saddam Hussein – put 672 names on a ballot and let them
decide. But maybe that would have been more expensive – and maybe they would have wound up with the Iraqi equivalent of Arnold Schwarztenegger. After all, as Greg Palast has written, "Unlike Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gov. Gray Davis stood alone against the bad guys without using a body double. Davis called Reliant Corp. of Houston a pack of `pirates' – and now he'll walk the plank for daring to stand up to the Texas marauders."
Actually, the original plan was to send in Arnold as a candidate – Operation Kindergarten Cop they called it. That is, until we discovered that the largely Shiite Iraqis were inclined to choose a
theocracy – that did not include any judges from Alabama.
Can one coerce another to be free?
"You've now got freedom of speech – you can say anything you want."
"What's that?"
"Oh, $hit, he said he was going to kill me."
BANG.
"That'll teach him."
Do we have an obligation to coerce Iraqis to live in a very expensive "free" society?
Seems to me, the last thing we really want in our latest colony is democracy.
If a slave does not want any of the things his "massa" keeps from him, does that mean he was never a slave?
But what if he is persuaded by his liberators – at the point of a gun – that he does not want to be a slave anymore – instead he would like to be a busboy in the Hard Rock Cafe? Does that make him free – or just a slave to his new owner?
America has always worn stripes, plaid, and polka dots simultaneously when sitting down at the table with a totalitarian dictator dressed in olive drab and wearing more medals than Michael
Jackson.
I mean, we accept Salvadoran, Bangladeshi, or even Saudi exploitation of human rights while damning Cuban, North Korean, or Iranian abuses….
Usually, (as was the case with Saddam) the despots we support are more "like us" than the people over whom they reign.
When we colonize, we really want one of two things: a society with a gross national product large enough for us to expand our own marketplace so that they too should pay at the pump – or one so
desperate they are willing to work for nothing to make sure we can keep our Washington Redskins caps on the rack at 7-Eleven for $3.49, and have no idea what "pay at the pump" is – for they have never seen a pump, let alone owned a car.
If elections were held in most Arab monarchies, the result would be a society that differs even further from our own than it did before the election – I mean, "Hey, they had an election! – How much different do you want them to be?"
Despots may want capitalism without democracy while their subjects may want democracy without capitalism. Hmmmm… Which scenario most resembles our own?
We have big business buying the "resignation" of California's governor – or spending more than the gross national product of the entire Third World's population to impeach a president for getting a blow job. (Won't somebody give George a blow job – he needs one so.) We have Texas legislators crossing state lines to be out of reach of their own sergeant at arms to prevent the redrawing of political boundaries. Does anyone remember Florida?
Not to mention that over half the eligible population never votes – but you would be hard pressed to find a single American who has never been to a McDonald's.
As Louis Menand points out in the New Yorker, those citizens living under Saddam Hussein were not "happy slaves" – it does not follow that the things he and his deck of cards prevented Joe Iraqi from having were Wal-Marts, Bob's Big Boys, and the Colonel's Original Recipe. But they're gonna get em.
So as New Yorkers stumble in the dark for one night – trying to eat all the ice cream in Manhattan before it melts and swapping anecdotes about fish in aquariums that died when the pump was turned off – remember, the shortest route to power is to keep the power on – and not let a would-be-leader – elected or not – say, "Look what they have done to our country."
It worked wonders for Rudolph Giuliani. I wonder how it is working for Saddam Hussein.
October 2003
T H E M U S E A N D W H I R L E D R E T O R T
(the monthly newsletter of chris chandler and anne feeney)
5th anniversary!
Yes folks that is Volume 5 issue 1
Happy Birthday!
Washington, DC
October 1, 2003
Hey everybody,
It's that time of the month again! The drag about sending this newsletter out on the first of each month is that if something happens on say – the 2nd I may forget about it – but more about that
down at bottom in the announcements section. I only bring this up because my topic this month happened way back on the 4th of September.
So, through a weird series of events I find myself on the mall in Washington, DC – I managed to land a job as a stagehand for this huge rock concert on the mall. In the days before – as I helped to set up the stage – I was atop a 30 foot grid and I got to see the sun rise behind the monument. Now, put all the arguments about Freudian symbolism – the sight was stunning. Really.
You have to picture the Washington Monument peering from the pasture as midnight blue and full moon silver dissolve into the morning orange. Blue shadows whisper a silent orange breath. The setting moon and rising sun were divided by the Washington Monument and our nations' hard on for the game of football. Yes, football.
Ya see, this was the kick-off party (so to speak) for the 2003 professional football season – and they had invited pop stars from 3 generations to perform the sound track to every television commercial ever made.
It wasn't long before all the machinery was in place – especially the Deus ex machinas of gigantotron TV screens and search light slide projectors that made the Batman sky Bat-light look like a humble laser pointer. Picture Gotham City with Pepsi™ logos scouring the sky.
Only it gets worse. They actually projected the Coors™ logo on to the Washington Monument. Now, I am no fan of Pharaoh but I found it Bush-onian bad taste.
I pictured George Washington at Valley Forge trying to explain it to Major Simcoe and Colonel Mawhood. "One day – there will be a monument to our suffering in a town named after me – You boys are not dying of starvation in vain – for one day the Washington (that's me) Redskins
will play the New York Jets – ummm New York Man-Made-Flying-Machines - in a game. There will the world largest masonry structure there and it will advertise something called 'Coors Beer' – which will be sort of a foul tasting ale that if consumed by the 12 pack will get you drunk between trips to the bathroom."
Anyway - There was Britney Spears wandering around back stage in front of the world's largest phallic symbol wearing part of a football jersey and in general acting quite smug simply because
Christina Aguilera™ and Jason Timberlake™ were double billed at a comparatively small amphitheater across town. (I never once saw her drink a Pepsi™)
Then there was the Aerosmith looking like Johnny Unitas stumbling around in a San Diego Chargers uniform. It was kind of funny seeing Steven Tyler clutching the rail of his walker singing "Walk this way!"
It turns out that the crane we had erected backstage was not for some climactic special effect it was simply to get Aretha Franklin up on to the stage to sing the National Anthem. The B2 Bombers flew over head – and on the "rockets' red glare" line we blew off more fireworks than the entire Iraqi Arsenal.
But wait – there is more. If the entire cast of "We Arm the World" were not enough – The President of the United States™ comes on national television and says the one line he could stutter through with out a serious gaffe, "Are you ready for some football?"
I swear the Washington monument got a little more erect.
I was hoping that the ratings for George as an NFL pitchman would be so great that he would consider a career change.
But, he continues, comparing our nation's values to the game of football – no really he did this. Then, it dawns on me, the game does remarkably resemble our foreign policy - guys in uniforms and helmets marching in formation in an effort to acquire more land.
Then – out walks Rush Limbaugh – no really - as the NFL commentator. That's his new gig – they finally found some one to the right of Dennis Miller to announce football (I used to like that guy – what happened? There is a rumor that he started sleeping with Henry Kessinger but I don't think Henry would stoop that low).
So, who better to predict the pigskin points than the porker of public discourse? Finally, I can't take it anymore – I am backstage in one of the waiting rooms – and all of this is being broadcast – I start flipping the channel – back and forth between ESPN and The Fox News Network, ESPN, Fox News Network, ESPN, Fox News Network until the letters became a blur and all I could see was the anagram "Fox owns new serpent"
But, to tell ya the truth I really couldn't tell the difference between the stations because it sounded kinda like this…
"It's third down and Baghdad still to go - The Patriots are bogged down deep in Oilers' territory - Makes ya wonder what happened to that secret weapon the Oilers were supposed to have in their otherwise shabby defense… Hut one, hut two… George is trying to make an end run around
international opinion but he can't just unilateral it this time… Oh that's gotta hurt… He's taken down just shy of the Oilers' pipeline. It's fourth down and eternity to go… He'll either have to have to send in the UN special teams or maybe he'll throw em the bomb. This could be the final play – and then it's sudden death."
But first a word from our sponsor: "That's right – it's Busch Beer – Takes ya right back to the good ol days of 1984 when there was only big brother to worry about. But now we have Son of Big Brother – so there will be plenty of Busch on hand at the "Armageddon Tailgate Party" –
You don't wanna be extinct without it."
That's it for now folks – see you next month.
NOVEMBER 2003
T H E M U S E A N D W H I R L E D R E O T R T
VOLUME 5 ISSUE 2
BY Chris Chandler
Washington, DC
Hey Everybody,
It's that time of the month again. Well, actually I am a little late this month – though I am quite flattered that I started getting email at 7 AM on the morning of the 2nd reminding me that I was late. In fact I think I have gotten more mail this month than I ever have before. I mean, sorry about being late but ya see, I just took a couple of extra days celebrating All Saints Day – I still consider
myself from New Orleans, ya know...
Yes, that was sports reference – but hell, last month I talked about sports – and look what happened! I wrote about Rush Limbaugh's job as an NFL commentator and not only did this news letter single-handedly make him lose his job at ESPN – but he was so upset he became a drug addict and has, at least temporarily, quit his radio broadcast as well.
You're welcome.
Makes me want to mention as many right wing talk show hosts as I can –
Bill O'Reilly, Neal Boortz, Oliver North, Michael Reagan, Oh, what the hell, Donnie Osmond, Jerry Springer, and even more absurd… George Will. Maybe we will find out what drugs they've been taking to come up with the wacko ideas they spew on the conservative news media. But since so much has happened to el Rush-bah since my last note – I do want to add: No, Rush it was not the color of Donovan McNabb's skin that got him so much play in the press – it is the color of YOUR
skin that has gotten YOU so much play in the press. Because if it were not for the color of YOUR skin – YOU would not be in the Betty Ford Clinic right now… YOU would be… in prison.
Speaking of prison, I plan to go to jail for justice while Anne and I are in Miami this month at the protests for the FTAA. They have passed an ordinance that for the days of the conference it will be among other things – illegal to wear a T-Shirt that expresses an opinion. Well, I have a T-Shirt with the Bill of Rights printed on it – which apparently is an opinion. Hey, Pal, what ya in for?
We have had a wild, long month – Anne played for nurses in Michigan and then was at a Labor History conference in her hometown and we had two separate trips to Texas canceled. Instead, Texas came to us in Terre Haute, IN at the Eugene V Debs awards banquet where Molly Ivins
received the award. We played a fabulous new house concert series in Morgantown WV and Bob and Leslie Tower's. I played in Iowa for the first time in my life! In one 24 hour period we played shows in Detroit, Chicago, Milwaukee and Madison. Take that Adam Brodsky!
We played 3 different shows in Winona, MN in one night - a city I was surprised to find had three venues. We opened for Utah Phillips in Minneapolis. Then it was off to Champaign, Normal (yes, Normal) St Louis, Cincinnati, Louisville and Athens, Ohio.
Finally I am back in DC after a long month for me and the country… … The Cubs broke America's heart while a really bad actor became governor of California – speaking of such…
…for the past few days we've been hearing about the canceling of a CBS bio pic about Ronald Reagan – because it was inaccurate? If there is anything Ronald Reagan could understand when he was in office - it would be that bio pictures are inaccurate. Ronald Reagan was an actor first! That is the ONE thing he understood.
I mean, here is a guy that was famous for a – well – bio pic about Knute Rockne. (another sports referance) Do you think anyone besides Ronald Reagan ever actually uttered the line "Win one for the Gipper?"
Aside from "Ketchup is a vegetable" and "Air pollution is caused by trees." Is there a more famous line from Ronald Reagan?
Hmmmm… How 'bout "Every thing we sent the Contras could have fit on a plane." Talk about "See B.S." Yea, Ronnie, the Great Plains, the Plains of Serengeti or maybe may be the astral plane.
Since all of these quotes are based on lies – who cares if he didn't actually say, "AIDS is God's way of punishing all the homosexuals." The sentiment was certainly there.
And for those who agree with Ronald Reagan: If AIDS is Gods way of punishing all the gays – Is it also God's way of rewarding all the lesbians?
I know – I know this is the man that took down the Berlin wall. And he deserves to be honored. But hell, we've already changed the name of the Airport here in DC to Teflon. Since his daddy was Vice President in those days – Little George wanted to continue in his father's shoes and tear down the great wall of China.
And anyway, – didn't Gorbachev have something to do with the Berlin Wall coming down? It's like watching American World War II films – where the Russians had nothing to do with the fall of Berlin.
How come whenever we build a wall – it is to protect our freedoms but when any one else does it they are tyrannical despots cruelly trying to perpetuate totalitarianism by keeping their citizenry in the dark ages? Why is it the Berlin Wall symbolized all that was evil in the world but the wall of El Paso guards our sovereignty. I'm waiting for the great wall of Detroit to keep those towel-headed Canadian frostbacks out.
And while we're at it… How come we are paying Israel so much money to build a wall. 10,000 years after Joshua, the Israelis jeopardize world peace by building "The Great Security Fence of Jericho" I have a feeling that song is a little more prophetic than we thought.
In one of the verses there is a reference to using to using a ram against the wall – could that be like a Dodge Ram – as in a car bomb – I dunno – just a thought.
"Joshua fit the battle of Jericho, Jericho
Joshua fit the battle of Jericho, Jericho
And the security fence came a-tumbling down."
Don't get me wrong here, I'm all for tearing down walls – Hey let's start with Wall Street.
Meanwhile, President Bush signs a ban on certain types of abortion in a ceremony here in DC in the Ronald Reagan building. Seems fitting somehow. Can you imagine how quick Little W would change his tune on abortion if someone like me knocked up one of the twins? Hmmm…
maybe I should make this my personal obligation. How does that Coors ' jingle go? (another sports reference) Do you think that's what they are talking about?
Oh, My god I had better end this news letter right here – I am talking about Ronald Reagan, and about having sex with underage Republicans and even worse… drinking Coors Beer.
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Congratulations to Chuck Brodsky http://www.chuckbrodsky.com/ for placement of his song "Radio" in the major motion picture: "Radio." It is a touching film about an itinerant folk singer trying to get radio air play for songs critical of clear channel. As you might guess – attempting such a feat reduces our hero to becoming a mute pushing a shopping cart through the streets of a small southern town until he is rescued by a high school football coach (another sports reference) who encourages him to become a cheerleader. An inadvertent trip to the girls' locker room allows him to regain his voice. With megaphone and pompoms in hand, he climbs atop the shoulders of
scantily clad high school girls and shouts "Hey, hey! Ho, Ho! – 99-X has got to go!" Seriously, congratulations Chuck. Hey, Brother can you spare a dime?
*******
Our mutual friend Hedy Hilburn – an avid reader of this news letter and dear friend to many of its subscribers is very ill. Well wishes can be sent to Room 502, Jewish Hospital, 200 Abraham Flexner Way, Louisville, KY 40202, or email us and we'll pass them on to Ms. Hedy...
*******
Congratulations to Mike West http://www.mikewest.net/ and Katie on the birth of Vega a baby girl and future tour manager.
*****
Congratulations to Thais Perkins and Wilson Marks for tying the Knot. http://www.thaisandwilson.com/ Why do people say that – makes marriage sound like a noose.
******
Now you can post your review of our CDs at CDBaby -- Thanks to Andrew Linko of UAW 387 and to Judith Lynn for posting reviews of Union Maid -- vist www.primecd.com/afcc to post a review of "Live from the Wholly Stolen Empire" or www.primecd.com/annefeeney to review "Union Maid" (another sports reference)
December
T H E M U S E A N D W H I R L E D R E T O R T
Volume 5 issue 3 December 2003
Stone Mountain, GA
Hey everybody, it's that time of the month again.
Sorry I'm late. It's just that I am "home" for
Thanksgiving. What a month it has been!
It's been one that has left me sitting on the couch
licking my wounds and staring into the abyss.
Thankful that I have a couch to sit on and a tongue to lick my
wounds.
I am about to board a bus that will carry me back to our nation's
capital, where I will no longer be staring into the abyss but will
actually be in it. I was thinking of dropping by the White House to do some caroling.
A week or so ago, in one continuous swing I got in a cab in Takoma Park, MD, which took me to a Greyhound station, where I boarded the bus and slogged to Pittsburgh, where I picked up a van. Anne and I drove 16 activists nonstop to Miami. Jesus, Florida is big. There we spent two nights high on tear gas. Then we took that same van to Columbus, GA, where we spent two nights high on Lee Greenwood. I hopped in another van and took it to the Atlanta airport, dropped off David Rovics, and subwayed to Stone Mountain. I think I have just managed to wash the pepper spray out of my clothes. My head is as foggy as a Miami picket line.
Let's see here: Miami. It was wholly unnecessary for the activists to shut down the city of Miami to protest the Free Trade of the Americas Agreement meeting as planned. The police did that for us - well in advance and for much longer than we could have ever done it on our own. Thanks, guys.
It looked as if they had deputized thousands of professional wrestlers, causing the recent downswing in the unemployment index - especially among members of the WWE's Smackdown. They armed them with Tasers and outfitted them in NHL goalie uniforms and taught them to play red rover, red rover - for keeps. Only when we sent one of our guys "on over" he went to the hospital. It was like playing "Tag, you're it" with a cattle prod.
The news reports were terrific - as long as you kept the sound off. The pictures clearly showed a full-tilt police riot – hundreds of Robocops firing rubber bullets at grandmothers. But when you turned the sound up, you heard: "These self-proclaimed anarchists have been hired by the Ford Foundation to come to Miami to kill people. You see there - that kid there? Look how he threw his body right into that billy club - these self-proclaimed anarchists are getting exactly what they deserve!"
Ya know, I'm really not making this stuff up.
At one point David Rovics was on stage playing to a half a dozen people in an amphitheater while three black helicopters flew overhead. Outside the amphitheater the cops had formed a blockade
keeping anyone from going in or out of the building. Tear gas was flying. Batons were whirling, rubber bullets were whizzing, Tasers were zapping. All for a David Rovics concert!
City officials actually called us "terrorist cells." Now, I am flattered and all – but also petrified. I mean, seriously: If you want to know why Osama bin Laden is still at large – it is because all our resources are spent on beating the crap out of two dozen 22-year-old poli-sci majors dressed in black and armed with marionettes and George Bush masks.
Now you might think I am being facetious but really... There is so much federal money floating around for "homeland security." One could make a fortune. Ya wanna make a mint? Become the mayor of a small town somewhere. Then cry, "The anarchists are coming! The anarchists are coming!" as you hire 11 kids from the 4-H crafts fair. Teach them to make papier mache puppet heads of George Bush and Alfred E. Newman while you show videotapes of Seattle, and then go frisk Tom Ridge for money for another tank. Yes, tanks - they had tanks!
Now, in fairness: We did too - but ours were obviously made of cardboard and were driven by guys wearing dolphin heads.
Geez Louise, you could have just handed the $8.9 million they spent on "security" directly to Guatemalan peasants, no strings attached, and done more to improve the economy of the hemisphere than the fat cats in a smoke-filled room at the Intercontinental Hotel could ever do.
Lost in all the mayhem were the real issues of the Free Trade of the Americas Agreement. All of their talk of a "level playing field" made me feel they were trying to convince us that the Earth is flat.
The news told of busloads of kids in black coming to harm civilians. And they were right...if they were talking about the cops. At one point I called 911 from a pay phone as I witnessed a busload of guys dressed in black beating the crap out of civilians. Three minutes later, a city bus filled with more cops in riot gear showed up facing off the busload I had called about. It was all very confusing.
Then it was on to Georgia's Fort Benning. For the past 15 or so years, protestors have come from all over the hemisphere to protest the School of the Americas - which has just recently changed its name to WHISC, which I think stands for something like the Wildly Hypocritical Ideologues Specializing in Coercion.
It is here that the U.S. military trains people to go to South and Central America to... ummm... provide military security to the region.
This year, they took a play out of their Panamanian playbook and wheeled out the very same sound system they used to play classic rock at louder than AC/DC decibels in an effort to make their misbehaving student Manuel Noriega surrender. At one point, they played "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'" - which, as it turns out, is a violation of the Geneva Convention.
This time, however, Clear Channel had all the rights for classic rock, so instead they broadcast "patriotic" music in an effort to drown out Pete Seeger. If I had a hammer...
In truth, it backfired. It really made for great television: Listening to firsthand accounts from Guatemalans who had been tortured - their families "disappeared" - by graduates of the school
to the tune of "God Bless America" made conservatives think the "liberal media" had dubbed in the soundtrack. Not since Simon and Garfunkel combined reports on the Vietnam War with "Silent Night" has such an ironic juxtaposition been created.
When I saw it on Democracy Now!, I called my rather conservative mother into the room, and she thought we had used the music intentionally. She did think we displayed awfully bad taste using
patriotic anthems as the soundtrack to such scathing, blood-soaked indictments of our foreign policy. Sorry, Mom.
If we had blasted "God Bless America" during the protest, we would have been condemned as heretics and sentenced to a life of listening to Bill O'Reilly in the Fox News Re-education Camp.
My favorite was Charlie King performing a Christmas song beneath "I love the USA."
This is the Christmas season, after all. And I do want to wish you all a very happy holiday and send love to you and your families. This past month has shown me in many ways that the power of good is indeed more powerful than that of evil. But just barely.
